There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
