at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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