about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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