What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
