you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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