i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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