the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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