eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
