my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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