Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
