She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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