He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
