I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
