mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The adults are the big ones right?
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