I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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