i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
