So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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