The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
