I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
