the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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