Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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