That's intense
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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