Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
