Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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