I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
