Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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