I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
