apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
