Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
