Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
