I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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