Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
