last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
