i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
