kristin has been a bad kristin
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
