Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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