so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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