very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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