officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
