either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
