Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
