I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i would punch a child for taco bell
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this boner is exhausting
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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