Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
