i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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