there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
