I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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