Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
