You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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