he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
