Cold hands, warm shart.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
