I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
