I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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