We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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