Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
