I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
