So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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