38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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