I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
