if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
